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Over 200 top tips and words of advice, to help you really get the most from the time you spend with your kids
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Searched for: 5/30/2017 - Found: 7/30/2008 to 8/5/2008
Cautionary Tales For Children
Wonderful witty poems great for reading to your children. The stories and rhymes will stay with them for the rest of their lives.


Research has shown how important YOU are to your children and how as a dad the things you do, and keep on doing, really count, whether you live with them, or you are a single dad and are only able see them once a month, once a week or more, what you do really matters. This site is dedicated to all dads but will be of special relevance to the single dad. Remember, you are half the reason your children exist and they need you whether you live with them or not. As their dad, you have what it takes to make their lives successful and fulfilling no matter how often you see them. This site is about all the positive things that we as parents have to offer our children.
Microblog Microblog

How to stop arguing: Part 2

Microblog
By Chris Barnardo

In the second of our two articles on how to stop an argument, we look at ways you can halt an argument once it gets going. Itís better to avoid them before they start, but sometimes even with the best will in the world, this is impossible; stopping an argument very difficult once it gets going. Our body is programmed for the fight or flight reflex and that means that once your body senses a threat, the hormone adrenaline starts pumping into your system getting you prepared to fend off the perceived danger. Naturally as a result you feel angry and the only outlet for these feelings is to shout louder at the person with are arguing with. Thatís why one of the best ways to stop an argument is to give yourself a break. The beneficial effects of a 5 to 10 minute break cannot be over emphasised. The break gives you a chance to think straight and with the threat removed your body gets a chance to settle down and stop making things worse.
. . . Apart from taking a break, there are some other things that you can bear in mind that will help you stop arguing. Below you will find our top ten tips for stopping an argument. Like all lifestyle rules, the best ones are to be used as a guide at the beginning and then as you become an expert the lessons learned become second nature. So hereís to not arguing...

  1. Take a break
    Take a time-out from the person and the argument. Go and get a cup of coffee, go to the bathroom or walk round the block. Donít leave the argument unresolved though. Say that you are just taking a five minute break to collect your thoughts and agree to come back so that you can make a fresh start on working together sort things out.


  2. Stick to the point of the disagreement
    Donít dredge up old arguments or disagreements that were discussed last time. Stay on topic. If the other person wanders and tries to bring up old stuff, ignore it and return to solving the problem at hand. If they persist, calmly say that this is not what you are talking about now. Donít rise to the bait defending yourself for something that is not related to the current disagreement.


  3. Start with the heart
    Before you say anything - every single time before you speak - start with the heart. Think what you really want to achieve with this argument / heated discussion, where would you like this to lead in say a week from now. In a week from now, how would you like to look back on what you said today?


  4. Listen to the other person
    Open your ears and your mind, donít talk over the other person, ask yourself what that is achieving? Surely they arenít listening to you when they are talking. Try to make sure that you talk in turns. Donít raise your voice why should a disagreement turn into a shouting competition.


  5. Try to start negotiating
    Be open and honest with one another, be willing to show your vulnerability and be open to the fact that you may be wrong. No one is right all the time, and your argument is more resolvable if you keep from feeling like you have to defend your every move.


  6. Have a snack or make a cup of tea (or coffee)
    Eat or drink something; hunger and disagreements donít mix. However, obviously donít try to discuss things when you are worse for drink. Alcohol is both a depressant and a disinhibitor. A study for the Home Office1 found that a third of all intimate partner violence was committed under the influence of alcohol.


  7. Donít say things you donít mean just to hurt the other person
    When the two of you are not arguing, make a list of the words and tactics that will be "off-limits" in an argument. Agree that next time an argument starts, you both going to focus on the issues without name-calling, for example. If you can, establish some rules for debate - promising that certain hot-button issues and phrases are out of bounds - you can prevent a lot of heartache and encourage more proactive discussions.


  8. Donít point out the other personís faults to justify your own
    There is absolutely no evidence that this solves any problems, in fact it is like throwing petrol onto the fire. In any case it is the sign of a very defensive person, who in the face of criticism, starts to point the finger back at the other person. If you really feel aggrieved that you have only done something because you were following the other personís lead, then say this, rather than pointing out similar but unrelated faults in the other person.

  9. Always apologise if you are in the wrong
    Sorry (next to goodbye) is in fact one of the hardest words to say. When meant, a heartfelt apology can go a long way to healing a rift between two people. It acknowledges the other peopleís hurt, it shows that we can see where we went wrong and it suggests that we might be wiser next time and avoid repeating the same old mistakes. If a disagreement has started with the intent of resolving an issue, then apology goes a long way towards the resolution process.


  10. Plan to avoid arguments before they start
    Plan to discuss tricky issues during a special time each week, perhaps over a meal. If you have trouble remembering what annoys you, write down the issues that you feel are not being addressed and encourage the other person to do the same and suggest that you compare notes. Perhaps you are not that far apart in your thinking. Perhaps you will see the other personís point of view. At the very least you will feel listened to and the other person will feel the same. If an argument looks like it is starting agree that this is a point to discuss at your special time.


1. Mirrlees-Black, C. (1999). Domestic violence: findings from a new British Crime Survey self-completion questionnaire. Home Office Research Study No. 191. London: Home Office.
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